by Savia » Thu May 15, 2008 12:30 pm
I went into the Tesco near my workplace after finishing work and grabbed a worker by the shoulders and shook him:
"Have you got any carrots left?! Please tell me you do!" He pointed down the vegetable aisle. I grabbed a basket and ran over, scooping as many carrots into the basket as I could. A security guard made some comment and I told him, panic rising in my voice: If you knew what I knew, you'd be doing this too.
I then paid for them, frantically asking if there was anywere else they might still have carrots. I commented (truthfully!) that the Marks & Spencer in Reading was already totally out. I was directed on.
I actually went to the train station, and distractedly bought a paper but left it on the counter after sighting "someone". On the platform I looked as frantic as an expectant father, absentmindedly checking my watch every few seconds and guarding my two plastic bags of carrots and carrot batons ferociously. I phoned my housemate and Yellow Page architect extraordinaire Carl:
"I managed to get some! Yeah, as many as I could carry. Are there any left there? No?! Man, it's worse than I thought. Yeah, I don't think the news has got out here yet."
On my way back I fidgeted and looked as uncomfortable as I could. I kept grabbing a page of typing out of my bag, scanning it haphazardly, then grabbing a bag of carrot batons and poring over the nutrition / ingredient information panel. Every time I did I sighed exaggeratedly, in relief.
On my way out of the train I found a bemused person with a newspaper and inquired breathlessly:
"Is there anything in the paper about the carrots yet?!"
"Pardon?"
"The carrots! Is there anything in the paper yet?"
"Uh, no, I don't think so..."
"Thank God!" Then I ran off the train.
**********
Carrots: £8.76
Train ticket: £5.70
Newspaper: £0.70
Pretending something incredibly drastic is making me buy two bags full of carrots and running around like a madman as publically as possible: Priceless.
"A creator needs only one enthusiast to justify him." - Man Ray
"Restrictions breed creativity." - Mark Rosewater
A Freudian slip is where you say one thing, but mean your mother.