Relationships and being your own person

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Relationships and being your own person

Postby Shazzy » Thu Sep 13, 2007 12:11 pm

I'm having a conflict of interest with my current quasiboyfriend. I'm a decently social person, but I like to have time to myself to work on movie projects, write stories, play piano--basically just mess around and do stuff alone. Right now I'm taking 15 credit hours and working 20 hrs/wk, so my free time is pretty limited. Problem is that the boyfriend wants to hang out EVERY night after school/work. How do I explain that I need alone time? I tried telling him I'm an introvert, but he just thinks I'm annoyed by him or I'm seeing someone else. So yeah, how do I get an extrovert to understand I'm going to go INSANE if I see him all the time?
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Postby JaddziaDax » Thu Sep 13, 2007 1:06 pm

just tell him flat out.
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Postby Otohiko » Thu Sep 13, 2007 2:44 pm

Well yes, if the guy's not stupid and at all worth having a relationship with, he'll be able to get the literal meaning of it without reading some sort of rejection into it.

But haha, perfect illustration of why I can't get a girlfriend or even the sort of friends I want, at least in the English/North American society. My [implicitly-expressed] expectations of commitment and time scare people off :(
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Postby downwithpants » Thu Sep 13, 2007 5:59 pm

put out. he wont care about anything else. (no offense intended to you or him.)
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Postby mexicanjunior » Thu Sep 13, 2007 6:00 pm

downwithpants wrote:put out. he wont care about anything else. (no offense intended to you or him.)

x2 :up:
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Postby CodeZTM » Thu Sep 13, 2007 6:10 pm

Just let him know flat out. Otherwise, he'll be confused, and no man wants that.
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Postby aesling » Thu Sep 13, 2007 7:19 pm

From personal experience, just explain it to him clearly. Set boundaries and make sure he knows what they are. If he can't give you space, then he's probably not worth it, and it's just not going to work out anyway. If he's driving you crazy then you can't really have a healthy relationship.

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Re: Relationships and being your own person

Postby SarahtheBoring » Thu Sep 13, 2007 8:27 pm

Shazzy wrote:but he just thinks I'm annoyed by him or I'm seeing someone else.

This part makes me worry. :? Irrational jealousy is not good. Doesn't he trust you? That's not fair.

I had something like this a while back. I had to beg for one hour a week alone-time, and even then it took a bunch of (true) reasons until he finally accepted one. I was miserable, and for no good reason. Because he thought a girl should literally hang on his every word all the time. Ego-tripping, basically. Stupid. Stuuuupid.

xn+1 on the "there's better out there who aren't creepily controlling" sentiment.
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Postby dokool » Thu Sep 13, 2007 8:57 pm

I agree with StB, dump his ass.
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Postby guy07 » Thu Sep 13, 2007 9:05 pm

I'm in no position to say anything >_<

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Postby wurpess » Thu Sep 13, 2007 9:25 pm

I'm lucky to have a guy who is extroverted but also likes his alone time (with his video games. :? ) But yeah, I've been around enough to know there's a big enough world out there with enough variety. Love is like dress shopping. You find one that is an almost, but not quite in your size and not alterable (or that you can't girdle up enough to fit into comfortably), there's always another one in a better fit. Might be tough to part with the one you have or it might take some time and effort to find another one, but its there. Its all about finding the perfect fit that looks good on you, or finding something close that either you can alter or compromise into being perfect. But even so, there are some fits and sizes you can't comfortably wear for more than 2 seconds. Let him know how you feel. If you're meant to be, he will accept it and it will work out. If he doesn't, its not meant to be. I've been in enough torturous "almost" relationships, and I can tell you, its not worth it. And on the note of being suspected of cheating, not trying to ruin anything or make you paranoid, but many times, significant others that irrationally accuse of cheating many times are either the ones who have cheated or have a past history of cheating. Therefore, they are more paranoid because they are most aware what people are capable of because they have done it themselves.
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Postby Nessephanie » Fri Sep 14, 2007 1:13 am

Stop showering.
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Re: Relationships and being your own person

Postby jasper-isis » Fri Sep 14, 2007 2:04 am

Shazzy wrote:or I'm seeing someone else.

Sounds like there's a little bit of insecurity going on here. I wouldn't call that horrible or abnormal, but if he were more confident he wouldn't seriously think that. (I was going to suggest taking out the the "quasi" element to solidify things more, but there's no telling whether that'd help in the long run...)

I second/third/whatever the suggestion to tell him flat-out, if you haven't already. He can always find something else to do a few nights a week, right? And if he misses you terribly so, he can perhaps call you and chat for a few minutes every now and then.

Whatever you do, it definitely doesn't have to be a "change now or it's over" kinda thing. You can always work out some kind of compromise, but whether you want to or not is for you to decide. (I'd give it a try!)
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Postby Flint the Dwarf » Fri Sep 14, 2007 2:14 pm

Nessephanie wrote:Stop showering.


I like her idea.
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Postby Ileia » Fri Sep 14, 2007 4:13 pm

Flint the Dwarf wrote:
Nessephanie wrote:Stop showering.


I like her idea.

That was totally Brad on her account.
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