Gox777 wrote:Kids get this idea that there's something wrong with them, they don't want anyone to know, they eventually stop taking the meds when they're older, and the problems go from there.
It's a theory I've been becoming more convinced by lately.
Lack of purpose is the clearer reason that I see.
Medications could be part of the cause though.
I don't know. (Or maybe I'm not understanding what you've said here).
I was dperessed for a few years, and I'd classify it as your basic emo. It was because I hated my parents because they generally didin't support me with what I wanted to do (AMVs), etc., etc.
Then, in highschool, in escalated into a monumentus event where I simply could not function. Being as every female in my entire famliy had been diagnosed with Depression, I was quickly diagnosed as well, and let me tell you that staring into space and not caring about anything, even how boring staring into space is, is not fun.
From my (d)evolution from emo to Depressed, I never, ever
had serious thoughts about hurting myself or committing suicide for attention, or otherwise.
Now, there were suicide notes, but those were to myself to let out stress(having a blog or simply writing in a diary really does help relieve stress, I've found), NOT serious.
So, I get this medication so I can, you know, function, and stop failing school and having panic attacks where I can't stop crying about shit.
Well, two weeks pass, and I can function
, but the depression itself is worse. I feel like crap, I suddenly have this realization that I don't care about anything and that's bad, and i start cutting. And I start threatening suicide and seriously contemplating it.
I hated every second I was on those meds, but at the same time, I knew I needed them, or else I'd go back to that vegetative mass that did nothing by cry all the time.
After roughly a year of switching through different meds and seeing counselors, psychiatrists, and psychologists that didn't seem to care about me(I honestly just had bad luck; my insurance changed multiple times so I had to abandon the one good psychologist I had) I had the worst breakdown in the history of all my Depression while I was on two different medications
I wanted to go to an insane asylum. I wanted to get away from my parents(because of stress) and I was threatening all sorts of self-harm just to do that. My parents had my horrible psychiatrist asking him what the fuck they should do, and he said just keep me calm. I said I just wanted to go to a damn hospital and that was it. Was it really so hard to get me rehab??
Well, apparently it was. After that I got higher doses of my current meds, and when I had another breakdown, I switched meds. But I never took the new meds.
See, after my breakdowns I had realised that I was doing "fine" in the whole motivating myself area, to a certain extent, and the meds were holding me back with their worsening of the depression side effects.
My parents and my psychiatrist didn't believe I was strong enough to go off the meds. They all said I needed at least another year of meds. Now, I was 18 at this time, so I should've been able ot make my own decision. But apparently they wouldn't let me.
Long story short, I stopped taking the pills behind their backs, no crash and burn EVER occurred, and I'm doing WAY better now.
I have small crying fits, but the last for about 10 seconds. Far cry from the two hour long dehydrating spiels of high school.
Deduct want you want from that, it's just my overtly summarized story.