Iron Solari wrote:Do you ever get that random sensation for no explicable reason that makes you feel completely and utterly... alone? Like devastating feeling that suddenly picks up and you can't shake it, no matter what you do?
I used to get that too. I don't know exactly how to get out of the rut, but for me it was all about perspective.
I went through heartbreak at 19, and it caused me to pick up and move on. Just to get to a new place. But the loneliness (and not just "aww I'm not in a relationship" kind, but general disconnection) persisted occasionally. I moved back home for a while, putzed around, didn't do much. Then I moved out again, this time to live with my dad in a different city. I got a job and it kept me interacting with people all the time. Some of my blues went away. I set myself some goals and started to achieve them. But I still felt weird. Like I wasn't a part of it all. Oddly enough, for me, this place had the opposite effect that it has on you. For whatever reason, I felt like I had lost a home here. It's all history, but I had to get over it.
Eventually I got an apartment with a co-worker of mine, and I think that's when things started to pick up. I wasn't a socialite or anything. I didn't have any strong connection with anyone. But I felt more connected with Things. Felt more like a part of a machine that, although I didn't like it very much, I had never been part of before. Through work and finding a way to live for myself, by myself, I earned new perspective. We're all ultimately in this together.
Since then I've lived in different places, twice with family and once on my own. When I was with family, I was supporting them. It kept me going because I knew I was doing some good, but I could never enjoy it. Actually, some of that disconnect even recurred. It's ironic, but I feel more connected when I'm living alone. All I need to do is step outside and use my freedom to be part of our machine.