Some hilarity in the office!
Me: What did you guys do with the [Insert Client Name Here] File? [I was needing to do their payroll, and the file had mysteriously dissipated.]
Employee1: It's in the drawer
Employee2: It's in the boss's office.
Boss: It's in the toliet.
[/goes to look, and sure enough, the file was in the bathroom]
Boss: Don't look at me! I needed reading material, and it was on my desk!!
Secretary: Zackary, did you fill out your time card?
Me: Yes I did!
Secretary: Did you call the IRS on the [client] case?
Secretary: Did you scan all of [client]'s W2s in the OCR system?
Secretary: Did you get the 1099 system working again?
Secertary: Did you get that pesky man in Egypt to give out a little democracy?
Me: Ye----... What?!?!?!
A Man Walks into our office
Him: I need to file some taxes!
Me: Great! Do you itemize?
Him: What's that mean?
Me: Uh... Do you have things like medical expenses, unreimbursed expenses from businesses or charitable contributions?
Him: I got a gigantic pussy warty thing removed on my ass, would that count?
Me: Was it medically needed? [Completely ignoring the fact that he just talked about the wart on his butt].
Him: It hurt when I sat down at work, and my doctor recommended that I remove it if I wanted to keep working.
Me: Oh, then that would count!
-5 minutes later after the client leaves-
Employee2: DID YOU JUST TALK ABOUT A GUYS WARTY ASS FOR TAX PURPOSES?
Me: And people say accountants live boring lives!
Boss: Zack, I need some tax research done on cow poop.
Boss: A farmer needs to know if he can deduct the costs of a clearing, and I have never worked with that before.
Me: Doesn't it have to be ordinary, reasonable and necessary?
Boss: What's ordinary about that?
Me: True... /goes to tax research software
It is never dull in public accounting.