Funny Convos

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Re: Funny Convos

Postby CodeZTM » Thu Dec 23, 2010 12:19 pm

Just happened. XD

Staff: Just go place the dead and stuffed co#$%S in [Boss]'s office.
Me: O_o
OtherStaff: O_o
Staff's Son Who is Moving Things: O_o
Staff: That came out wrong.
[She was talking about stuffed ducks that my boss hunted and had mounted in the area that is about to become her office.]

_________________

Chat the other night on Skype:

Rai: Why the hell do we bother anymore?
Code: Wha?
Rai: I mean, no matter what I do, all I seem to do is suck.
Code: I don't know about you, but I'm certainly not choosing that particular lifestyle.
Rai: So then you agree that I should learn After Effects?
Code: No, I mean I'm not fond of being a male prostitute on weekends. We really need to get you a better job.
Rai: >:\

__________________

Texting With My MOTHER

Me: Need me to grab anything on the way home?
Mom: Can you run by the store can get some carrots for [Step Dad's] d#%@?
Me: WHAT?
Mom: AHHH. I MEANT DINNER.
Me: WHY IS THAT ON YOUR AUTOCORRECT? AHHH! IT BURNS....
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Re: Funny Convos

Postby Jadecavy » Thu Dec 23, 2010 6:10 pm

CodeZTM wrote:Texting With My MOTHER

Me: Need me to grab anything on the way home?
Mom: Can you run by the store can get some carrots for [Step Dad's] d#%@?
Me: WHAT?
Mom: AHHH. I MEANT DINNER.
Me: WHY IS THAT ON YOUR AUTOCORRECT? AHHH! IT BURNS....

So how does it feel to know that your mother is sexting? :|


Today on the phone with a customer:

Customer: "Oh, uh, can I get like, a talker in my car?"
Me: "Excuse me? Could you please repeat that?
Customer: "My brother told me I could get a talker installed for real cheap from you guys..."
Me: "I think you mean a speaker."
Customer: "No, I mean a talker. The things that talk the radio!"
Me: "Yes, it's called a speaker. They vibrate to create sound."
Customer: "No, you're wrong. He said it's a talker. My brother knows better than you, he works for best buy. I'm going to call back tomorrow, and maybe someone more competent will answer."

He'll probably call me tomorrow. Maybe he should just have his brother install his "talkers" if he knows so much. I mean, speakers are simple business to install, but I doubt even the best buy workers can figure it out. So many people come in with starters or stereos that aren't working, most of them installed at best buy or future shop.
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Re: Funny Convos

Postby Moonlight Soldier » Sat Jan 01, 2011 9:01 pm

Work-related convo over FB about a coworker who enjoys hearing himself talk.


D: sigh he's always right you know
Me: XD
D: I'm gonna try a new diet, modelled on what Ian eats
Me: so your left index finger?
D: hahaha yeah. and a solid helping of self-loathing when I gain any weight back
Me: you must also then tell EVERYONE of your success/failures and force your ideas on them, so they too can hate themselves as much as you
D: haha
Me: >>
D: deal
Me: win
D: aka preteen girl diet!
Me: \o/
D: sigh. he's a psychologist too oh and his son's a genius who is better at COD than my boyfriend. so I'm told. repeatedly.

One of these days I should record Ian secretly so you can get the extent of this...
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Re: Funny Convos

Postby macchinainterna » Sun Jan 02, 2011 5:57 pm

Couple of facebook convos of me and Bill (AKA balistik94) torturing our friend Cynthia (Who's another editor).

Cynthia: NY Jets > Patriots. Just sayin.

Me: The Broncos < EVERY FREAKING TEAM IN THE NFL. Just sayin.

Bill: Boxing > Every other sport in the world

Me: Are you dissin' my curling, son? *beams*

Bill: Pffft we would dominate this sport. You know how many black janitors there are in the world? We would sweep until there are holes in the ice.

Cynthia: LOL. You two are hilarious.

Me: You should see our ventriloquist act. :3


Cynthia: Anyone know a good pawn shop to sell used dvd's? I have a WHOLE bunch of dvd's I bought from blockbuster and I need to get rid of them.

Me: Try as you may, but you will never get rid of your Paulie Shore collection! MWA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAA!!!!!

Cynthia: ‎:o WHO TOLD YOU!?

Me: I SEE ALL AND KNOW ALL.

Me: Translation: Bill =P

Bill: Why a pawn shop? Don't wanna walk into a big store with a bunch of used porn dvds? lol

Me: Paulie Shore did porn? His acting might actually improve if he did o.O

Cynthia: -____- you guys are awful lol.

Me: If that were true you would have blocked us by now =P
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Re: Funny Convos

Postby Monitor Zombie » Sun Jan 02, 2011 7:14 pm

Ok, so to set the scene, Josh, my roommate/BF of 10+ years wanders into my room while I'm reading fanfiction, and we start a hilarious conversation that I HAVE to dictate into AIM for another friend of mine.

scalesunlimited (8:02:51 PM): Josh - How do you spell Salmonella?
Me - Salmon-ella.
::Josh fiddles with phone::
Josh - How do you spell joust?
Mie - J-O-U-S-T.
Josh - I thought so, my phone didn't believe me.
Me - Well, it's not a very common word. ::Stares pensively at Josh as he types, until he looks up:: I'm wondering what statement you could possibly be writing that includes both "Salmonella" and "Joust."
Josh - Well, you'll just have to check twitter to find out.
ForeversNobody went away at 8:03:29 PM.
ForeversNobody returned at 8:27:12 PM.
ForeversNobody (8:27:34 PM): LOL
scalesunlimited (8:28:51 PM): he made cookies
scalesunlimited (8:28:59 PM): and tried to forcefeed me some of the dough
scalesunlimited (8:29:08 PM): we argued for like 5 minutes about it
ForeversNobody (8:29:27 PM): /me snickers
scalesunlimited (8:29:32 PM): him looming over my computer chair with a spoon of dough as i covered my mouth and cowered
scalesunlimited (8:29:37 PM): 'just eat it!"
ForeversNobody (8:29:41 PM): whereas jr made me chocolate chip cookie dough last night just to eat
ForeversNobody (8:29:43 PM): not cook
scalesunlimited (8:29:46 PM): "I don't want to! You can't make me!"
scalesunlimited (8:30:05 PM): "Why will you eat a cookie I hand you but not the dough? I Don't get it?"
scalesunlimited (8:30:22 PM): "Why do you want me to eat it so bad? You're freaking me out."
scalesunlimited (8:30:26 PM): "Just eat it!"
scalesunlimited (8:30:29 PM): "No!"
ForeversNobody (8:30:31 PM): lol
scalesunlimited (8:31:01 PM): he put the spoon down on my desk
scalesunlimited (8:31:03 PM): it's still there
scalesunlimited (8:31:11 PM): i twitted that i thought it was watching me
scalesunlimited (8:31:26 PM): and he twitted back that it can't watch me if i eat it.. so just eat it already
scalesunlimited (8:31:33 PM): and i twitted back that he can't make me
scalesunlimited (8:32:21 PM): ah, the roommate shinanigans
ForeversNobody (8:35:03 PM): lol
ForeversNobody (8:35:11 PM): your house gay is weeeeeeeeiiiird
scalesunlimited (8:35:31 PM): house gays.. like pets.. are usually quite similar to their owners
ForeversNobody (8:36:37 PM): LOL
scalesunlimited (8:37:20 PM): guh
scalesunlimited (8:37:43 PM): i hate it when dead characters get a POV thinking about how happy they are that their loved ones have moved on
scalesunlimited (8:37:58 PM): -Bawls- Poor Cedric
ForeversNobody (8:38:25 PM): ??
scalesunlimited (8:39:20 PM): sorry reading a fic
scalesunlimited (8:39:24 PM): hah
scalesunlimited (8:39:48 PM): Me (Goes into livingroom) - "Bawls as in cries really hard... b-a-w-l-s?
scalesunlimited (8:39:55 PM): Josh - Did you eat the cookie dough?
scalesunlimited (8:40:02 PM): -looks shifty- yes?
scalesunlimited (8:40:09 PM): lemme see the spoon
scalesunlimited (8:40:21 PM): -scrapes the dough off the spoon onto a piece of paper-
scalesunlimited (8:40:27 PM): 'see'
scalesunlimited (8:40:40 PM): 'now let me see the piece of paper you scraped it off onto
scalesunlimited (8:41:10 PM): -scrapes into onto another piece of paper- goes back licking her fingers- "See, it's even got a grease spot"
scalesunlimited (8:41:33 PM): 'so b-a-w-l-s?"
scalesunlimited (8:41:50 PM): "Now let me see the other piece of paper you scrapped it off onto while pretending to eat it..."
ForeversNobody (8:42:03 PM): wow
scalesunlimited (8:42:10 PM): -we both crack up, I leave- "Yeah that's what I thought"
ForeversNobody (8:42:10 PM): your house gay is smart
scalesunlimited (8:42:38 PM): that he is
scalesunlimited (8:42:47 PM): we've known each other for far too long
ForeversNobody (8:43:44 PM): yea
ForeversNobody (8:43:47 PM): i can tell
scalesunlimited (8:48:17 PM): Josh - Ok I really want to know what your issue is with the dough. Honestly, why wont you eat it? I want to know what you think.
scalesunlimited (8:48:28 PM): Me - It's dough, you aren't supposed to just eat the dough.
scalesunlimited (8:48:43 PM): Josh - When has that stopped... ANYone?
scalesunlimited (8:49:01 PM): Me - Well, I don't think all those hypochondriacs out there are eating raw dough
scalesunlimited (8:49:12 PM): Josh - are you a hypochondriac?
scalesunlimited (8:49:18 PM): Me - Right now... yeah
scalesunlimited (8:49:59 PM): Josh - god it's like i'm trying to force feed you poison or something -stalks off, calls back from the other side of the apartment- Which I'm not!
ForeversNobody (8:50:36 PM): /me snickers
ForeversNobody (8:50:40 PM): oh to be a fly on the wall
scalesunlimited (8:51:19 PM): as i'm typing that up
scalesunlimited (8:51:43 PM): josh came back with a cookie and started eating it obnoxiously loudly behind me.. i ignored him until I cracked up
scalesunlimited (8:52:01 PM): then he tried to hand me a cookie
scalesunlimited (8:52:07 PM): "No thanks"
scalesunlimited (8:52:12 PM): "Take it."
scalesunlimited (8:52:16 PM): "No I'm good."
scalesunlimited (8:52:27 PM): "Why are you suddenly against my cookies all of a sudden?"
scalesunlimited (8:52:34 PM): "I'm not."
scalesunlimited (8:52:40 PM): "Then why won't you eat it."
scalesunlimited (8:52:53 PM): "I don't want it."
scalesunlimited (8:53:08 PM): -He puts the cookie with the doughy spoon-
scalesunlimited (8:53:21 PM): "Are we starting a collection here?"
scalesunlimited (8:53:38 PM): "You didn't have a problem with my cookies earlier. What's stopping you now."
scalesunlimited (8:54:19 PM): "Why do you care? You never care this much what I eat. -Looks at cookie distrustfully- I'm just never going to eat anything you cook again."
scalesunlimited (8:54:46 PM): "Well, that'll make making dinner easier from now on." -Leaves-
scalesunlimited (8:54:53 PM): -Comes back- "Why won't you eat it?"
scalesunlimited (8:55:10 PM): "I'm a little hurt, I can't figure out why you won't just eat it."
scalesunlimited (8:55:15 PM): "I don't want it."
scalesunlimited (8:55:22 PM): "Fine! I'm never cooking again"
scalesunlimited (8:55:45 PM): -comes back- "Seriously, Why won't you eat the damn cookie?"
scalesunlimited (8:55:55 PM): "Honestly? Because it's driving you nuts."
ForeversNobody (8:57:22 PM): /me cracks up
ForeversNobody (8:57:30 PM): you are the WORST friend EVAR
ForeversNobody (8:57:30 PM): lol
scalesunlimited (8:59:12 PM): so
scalesunlimited (8:59:15 PM): should i eat it?
scalesunlimited (8:59:19 PM): cuz I think we're done
ForeversNobody (8:59:19 PM): ...the cookie
ForeversNobody (8:59:22 PM): lol
ForeversNobody (8:59:23 PM): i would
scalesunlimited (8:59:24 PM): ...and the dough
ForeversNobody (8:59:29 PM): up
scalesunlimited (8:59:31 PM): I also think I won
ForeversNobody (8:59:33 PM): *um
ForeversNobody (8:59:36 PM): ya
ForeversNobody (8:59:39 PM): yea you did
ForeversNobody (8:59:45 PM): go ahead
ForeversNobody (8:59:50 PM): but make it look like you didnt
scalesunlimited (8:59:54 PM): I feel like the moment I eat it, he's going to come find me out
scalesunlimited (9:00:07 PM): so put the spoon in the sink and then eat the dough
scalesunlimited (9:00:09 PM): ?
ForeversNobody (9:01:41 PM): yea
scalesunlimited (9:01:52 PM): he'll ask
ForeversNobody (9:01:57 PM): and crumble some of the cookie up and put it in the trash
scalesunlimited (9:02:00 PM): and I can't lie to him to save my life
ForeversNobody (9:02:14 PM): so he thinks you tossed it
scalesunlimited (9:02:25 PM): i don't want to actually hurt his feelings tho
scalesunlimited (9:04:15 PM): I'm totally saving this entire conversation too
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Re: Funny Convos

Postby wurpess » Thu Jan 06, 2011 4:26 pm

Convos with husband, that just came to mind:

(After much tequila)
Me: I don't know what it is about tequila. It affects me more than any alcohol.
Immorrel: Damn cactuses!
Me: Yeah, the perils of the desert. The cactuses, the heat, the sand, the iguanas.
Immorrel: Watch out for Keith!



(The night before we were supposed to move. It was the last chance I had to see a friend of mine before we left)
Immorrel: So is he coming over?
Me: He said he was going to try, but his car battery died.
Immorrel: That sucks.
Me: Yeah, but I offered to jump him.
Immorrel: Well!
Me: Not like that!


(The other day, while driving down the road)
Immorrel: Brains. . .
Me: I have issues with mine a lot.
Immorrel: I know. And I married you anyway.
Me: I must be one hell of a cook!
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Re: Funny Convos

Postby Monitor Zombie » Thu Jan 06, 2011 9:23 pm

AHA! I found the old text document I was keeping where I wrote down all of my funny convos.

Josh: Yeah, let me just pull that money outta my ass… Cuz that’s where I keep my thousands. Not in a bank. No. I keep it in my rectum.
-Everyone in hearing distance stares-
MoZ: Well, that certainly generates more interest.

MoZ: -Sniff Sniff- I suddenly –SNIFF- smell fabric softener or something…
Josh: Well… Maybe you’re having a stroke.
MoZ: Do people smell things when they’re having strokes?
Josh: -Sounds unsure- Sometimes…?
MoZ: So, it’s like different strokes for different folks?

Sio: I find it difficult to stand still while I’m dancing.
-Car is silent for a long moment-
MoZ: …Most people do…
Sio: Huh?
MoZ: ‘You find it difficult to stand still while dancing’… Most people do.
-Jen, Gary, Sio and MoZ all crack up-
Sio: -Indignant- I MEANT singing.

Josh: Are you going to emote at me now?
MoZ: What? No.
Josh: Oh thank god.
MoZ: Why?
Josh: You were making eyes like you were about to cry and I can’t deal with that right now
-Gestures at hot glue gun-
I’m in the middle of a project.

Amanda: So, when are you gonna give my hairspray and paprika back?
Jen and MoZ: … -Glance at each other with uncomprehending stare-
Jen: Hairspray and paprika?
Amanda: Yeah. Y’know. The DVDs.

-Looking at station list for satellite radio-
MoZ: Channel 94 is 'Quebec Pop/Rock'? Specifically Quebec?
Jay: Yeah, I bet it’s all Spanish stuff.
-Ray and Moz stare for a moment before talking simultaneously-
MoZ: … SPANISH?! Ray: … Y’mean French?
-All three crack up-
MoZ: God, Jay! When was the last time you looked at a map?

MoZ: Ug, If I ever get to the point where people are calling me Dr. I’m going to shoot myself.
Jen: -Snickers- Dr. Mackenzie Hayes! … Why did I just say that?
MoZ: What? Hayes?
Jen: Yeah…
MoZ: … Cuz It’s my last name.
Jen: Is it?

MoZ: That’s just slightly awesome.
Josh: You’re just… yeah.. no.

MoZ: That's what we should do. We should find a three apartment bedroom and all live together.
Josh: I don’t think so.
MoZ: Why not? I think you two’d get along.
Josh: Tell you what. You find a three apartment bedroom on Craigslist and we’ll talk.

-Dead silence in the car, MoZ is driving by a brick building and assumes it’s a school or something-
MoZ: (Thinking: God that’s ugly. It looks like a frikkin prison.)
-Drives past a barbed wire fenced area and a prison sign-
MoZ: -GAH- I was just being sarcastic! I didn’t mean it!
-Jen and Gary are startled-
J: Um, What? G: Did I miss something?

MoZ: I love this car… I’ve even got an eject button.
J: You do not. Ejection seats don’t exist.
MoZ: Yeah, they do! Didn’t you see that episode of Mythbusters? –Points- See? That’s it right there labeled “EJT”.
J: So… What’s it really do?
MoZ: I have no idea. I didn’t want to ruin my fantasy… or accidentally activate it, so I’ve never pressed it.
J: Kenz! You’ve had this car for over 4 years!
MoZ: Yeah…?
J: So. Let’s press it now.
MoZ: Go ahead. I’m sure it’s probably for ejecting irritating passengers anyways.
-Josh stares at the button. He reaches his arm out and hovers over the button for a long moment but pulls his arm back-
J: Yeah, that’s ok. I’m good.

MoZ: So did you take me off Tuesday’s schedule?
J: No… There’s no one else to take it. So, your anime… Power Rangers… morphing… robot morphers will just have to wait.
MoZ: -Whines- …but… We morph… Without me the megamorph is incomplete. They can’t do it without me!
J: … -Looks smug-
MoZ: -Pouts- OK Fine! But when evil takes over the world, it’s your fault. –GASP, points at J horrified- But that’s exactly what you want isn’t it. You’re the evil overlord we’re fighting, aren’t you?!
J: -Walks away laughing maniacally- BWAHAHAHAHA…!
-Several Hours Later-
-I tell J that I can't hang out because I'm busy after work-
J: Why? Where are you going tonight? Are the anime morphing… robot… fighting… beetle rangers planning to fight evil tonight? Is that your plan? Are you going to defend the planet X… of the YZ galasy… galaxy… the Galasy Galaxy… to rescue the chocolate children?... Who are melting because the sun is so close… so they’re planning to cover the universe with a sugary coating… -Trails off-
MoZ: -GASP- How did you...?! You really are the evil we have sworn to fight! How else would you know so much?!
J: Well DUH! I’m the only one you know with a ray gun big enough to move the sun of the planet X of the YZ Galasy Galaxy.

-MoZ is looking at list of soups-
MoZ: Hey, Tamie? What are the soups today?
T: What does the sheet say?
MoZ: Well… It says Lobster Bisque, only the letters are out of order, Lobster doesn’t have a T and I’m pretty sure Bisque shouldn’t have 2 U’s. I just wanted to check because I don’t think the customers’d know what I was talking about if I told them that we had Losber Busque today.

Josh – The Failboat was just… full steam ahead.
Josh – Let me just get my hanky and… [Waves invisible hanky] Bon voyage, Failboat.

MoZ – That’s cuz she’s retarded… -Talks to cat- Aren’t you? You’re a retarded old lady.
Josh – Well, you know what they say…
MoZ - … … … If that’s true you have aids.
Josh - … At least I’m not retarded.

To those of you who aren't as psychic as Josh and I this conversation actually went something like this...
MoZ – That’s cuz she’s retarded… -Talks to cat- Aren’t you? You’re a retarded old lady.
Josh – Well, you know what they say… (Pets are like their owners.)
MoZ - … … … If that’s true you have aids. (Because your cat is FIV positive.)
Josh - … At least I’m not retarded.

Jen - Wait, what was the question?
MoZ - What question? There was no question.
Jen - Yes there was. You asked me a question.
Moz -Thinks back and vaguely remembers asking a question about which turn to take- You already answered it.
Jen - Oh... Well what was my answer.
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Re: Funny Convos

Postby Moonlight Soldier » Fri Jan 07, 2011 9:38 pm

Overheard in my newsroom.

D editing story about new porn channel: I wonder if this will have any hard-hitting documentaries.
S: I dunno, they really pound that into you.
Sports editor walking by: I hope that channel doesn't blow.
D: Nah, but it'll probably suck.
Sports editor: They should really think outside the box.


...

And like an hour later.

News editor: Sorry D I've got to replace that porn story with hard news.
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Re: Funny Convos

Postby Magnus » Fri Jan 07, 2011 10:32 pm

Moonlight Soldier wrote:Overheard in my newsroom.

D editing story about new porn channel: I wonder if this will have any hard-hitting documentaries.
S: I dunno, they really pound that into you.
Sports editor walking by: I hope that channel doesn't blow.
D: Nah, but it'll probably suck.
Sports editor: They should really think outside the box.


...

And like an hour later.

News editor: Sorry D I've got to replace that porn story with hard news.

LOL
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Re: Funny Convos

Postby ZephyrStar » Fri Jan 21, 2011 10:51 am

Client: naaaah, I'm not really feeling the colors here...can we try a dark teal as the background?
Me: sure. *click click*
Client: MUCH better, I'm loving this already. That yellow text is a little too forceful though.
Client: Hmmmm.....
Me: I don't know, I sortof like it, but maybe a gold?
Client: Can we make all the text dark teal too?
Me: *blank stare*
Me: Uh, not advisable...
Client: Why?
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Re: Funny Convos

Postby McDirty » Fri Jan 21, 2011 1:58 pm

So I was bored and decided to search for funny conversations online...
...well it didn't take me long before I saw a conversation from a long time ago made by someone familiar:

<godix> Well, I know my NES was picky, if you didn't touch it in the right way it wouldn't let you play anything at all. Kinda like a woman actually...
<Aqua|Editing> I thought it was more like a man, because it wouldn't work unless you blew it.
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Re: Funny Convos

Postby Prodigi » Sun Jan 23, 2011 8:37 pm

Cal: i just had a brainwave as to how we can decide quickly and easily which staff can take annual leave
Cal: every staff member is given a Siamese Fighting Fish
Cal: do you see where this is going?
Colleague #1: a fish cook-off?
Colleague #2: they hide the fish in 1 hand, and we choose their left or right hand and whoever we guess correctly first gets annual leave?
Cal: In my New World Order my fish will kill you both
Cal: Then THE WORLD
Cal: Assholes.
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Re: Funny Convos

Postby Monitor Zombie » Thu Jan 27, 2011 10:14 pm

Sio: Oooh! Kenz, is that Josh on the phone?
MoZ: Yeah.
Sio: Tell him I said 'Hi, Josh!!'
Moz:-Into phone- Josh says Siobhan.
Sio: What the fuck?
MoZ: Siobhan says 'Hi, Josh.'
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Re: Funny Convos

Postby Otohiko » Wed Feb 09, 2011 4:06 pm

‎(lecturing my class today)
me: ...you can start by thinking about the composition of your audience very generally - their age, education, and sex level.
(class stares)
me: ...did I just say...?
(hilarity ensues)
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Re: Funny Convos

Postby Magnus » Wed Feb 09, 2011 4:56 pm

Not really a convo.. but well sorta.

Me: In the summer of 2010, I survived cancer
Neverend: In 2010 i made a cancer sick person run on the treadmill in beliefs "I think he needs to fart"...

true story.
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