Just a few little nitpicks on my part, but you might consider waiting for Hitori and Aimo's reviews too.
1) Watermark at :13. Speaking of which, I feel like something else might fit better here. It's a cute mask/transitions, but I just feel like something else could go there that's more in line with the story that you were telling.
2) I feel like the slide at around :05 kind of doesn't fit in with the rest of the straight cuts and kind of gives it an "off" feeling. Same with the one at :06.
3) The seagull at :08 doesn't add much to the flashback's story.
Everything else was great though! It was a really unique track with a nice anime. Totally wasn't expecting it!